hello, folks, i'm back. i miss california like crazy already. i did have a nice trip... i went to tahoe and santa cruz, to name a couple places, picked up all sorts of lovely beach relics, and of course took pics till my camera was 'bout to 'splode (they're going up here soon). i had an awesome, if much too short, time with my old childhood friends. and i visited the home i spent nearly 10 years in as a kid, although i couldn't really see it very well through the tears.

one thing i would advise, tho: if you ever leave some place incredibly dear to you, for goodness' sake, don't ever wait three years before you visit it again, unless you relish the thought of your old world changing, in some ways, nearly beyond recognition. i went back out west one year after i left, and stuff was pretty much the same. now, three years later, all my "kids" looked totally different, and the little towns had developed so much that i hardly where the heck we were sometimes. however, amidst all the new stuff, the houses i grew up in were still basically the same. that was awesome for me. i went off the deep end (ok, fine, when was i ever NOT off the deep end) and climbed two trees, ripping my favorite skirt in one of them. carving my initials high up in the soft birch bark again was well worth the gash

i felt pretty strange yesterday leaving. honestly, sometimes i don't think it's good for me to be out there. spending more than 3/4 of one's life in a place must really do something to one... either that, or i need to friggin' grow up. i spent the whole trip convincing myself how much i hated florida, which culminated in buying an airport cinnabon and then being too sad to eat it, and also one rather tear-streaked plane window. then, flying over tampa coming back, i couldn't help but have some sort of affectionate feelings toward it. i have to say, i have this bizarre love-hate relationship with florida. i want to leave, but sometimes i wonder if going back to CA would only make me miserable due to some pathetic delusions of recreating my old life somehow. i long for "home," but sometimes i wonder where that is.

i have to learn that it's never going to be exactly the same, even if i do head back after college; i'll be making a new life somewhere, whether out of the pieces of my old one, or whether i attempt to keep foraging out a new one here (yes, i said "forage"... hehe). neither realities are overly comforting. but that's growing up, eh? i think i still have a lot of that to do

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

"Into the Ocean"
Blue October

My friends:


My favorite artist, hands down: his photos are incredible

A sampling of some other artists I really enjoy:   

And some groups I submit my stuff to or just watch: